And women have continued to have sex with men who have raped them, in their case having put the event on the same plane as borrowing the car without asking. Not every incident of rape is a life-altering event.A large part of this seeming lack of trauma is the denial of rape by the rapist and by society at large. The trauma is there but according to many it is self-manufactured. So the rape victim can start questioning the reality of what she experienced even before she’s gotten over the shock of being raped by someone she cared about or loved. In my case I got raped a second time before I realized the first time was no misunderstanding or accident.
Make no mistake that first rape was life altering and traumatic. My rapist did a nice number and put the responsibility for raping me on me. It was also his way of showing me how much he loved me.
Yet people say it is nothing more serious than borrowing a friend’s car to run an errand. Bull.
I lived in a traumatic fog for weeks. Just because my family and others didn’t see it didn’t mean the trauma wasn’t there. That numbness and internal chaos gets labeled as lack of trauma is the problem of the observer, not the rape victim.
And because people don’t see trauma, they say it couldn’t have been a real rape that should be punished the same as rapes committed by strangers. Because it can take time before the fog lifts, reporting rape even a day after the rape is assumed to be a lie by many people who don’t have a clue what they are talking about or the harm their assumptions cause real victims.
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