To call what is really rape merely bad judgment -- the alleged rape victim's bad judgment of course -- is to trivialize this horrible traumatic damaging crime. If someone is acting only on assumptions, a report of rape is accurate even if the victim is unconscious and therefore not emotionally traumatized during the rape.
I don’t like calling it rape if there is no trauma. [...]
Women are especially not always verbally clear about what they want. Men make assumptions from certain actions. [...]
To call what is merely bad judgment (and bad or unrecallable sex) rape is to trivialize this horrible traumatic damaging crime.
Here's one of these "non-rapes" according to Apostate's definition:
A registered sex offender is accused of raping his 91-year-old neighbor at his Hamilton home after she became unconscious while drinking wine there. [...]
Upon regaining consciousness the woman found that she no longer was dressed, and that Rickert was standing over her, waving her underwear, court records state. An examination at St. Patrick Hospital in Missoula found evidence of violent trauma.
Was this woman at fault for not being verbal enough about what she wanted? In this situation most people can clearly see the flaws in the victim-blaming/victim-denying rhetoric. That they don't see the flaws when the victim is 19 instead of 91 is their problem not the rape victim's.
Clarification: in this situation with the details from the alleged rape victim accepted as truth, even Apostate accepts that this was rape -- as I expected she would. The problem with Apostate's position is that in most cases these details are not accepted as truth such as when the victim is 19. Then it becomes much easier for the rapist to con people into believing that what was reported as rape was merely drunk sex and it wasn't his fault that she can't recall giving him consent.
And here's another example:
Prosecutors say the 53-year-old man sexually assaulted the woman after she had fallen asleep or passed out from drinking. She said she woke to find the man she considered a father figure assaulting her. [...]No trauma or damage here, right? Wrong. Very, very wrong.
Through a statement her mother read in the court, the woman described how she had begun to trust the defendant, who had taken her in, as a father figure, even though she had been molested until age 9 by her biological father.
Clarification: again it is the accepting of the alleged victim's account of events and the nature of her relationship to the man that causes people like Apostate to accept that this was a sexual assault. This man could very easily have tried to spin this situation so that he was only responding to the victim's signals and that she was drunk, but not asleep or passed out. Look how he had been there for her when she needed someone and what does he get for thanks? A woman crying rape. This spin doesn't change the reality of what happened, but it does change how many people treat real rape victims.
There can be no excuses for rape. None. If you excuse rapists because their victims weren't traumatized to your satisfaction, you are part of the problem.
You are also vulnerable, especially if you are a woman. Maybe so far you have detected and deflected all of your would-be rapists, but if you assume this type of "rape" is only due to the woman's bad judgment you might not recognize rapists who are hiding their intentions from you until it is too late.
To see the flaw in this woman's argument even more clearly, read this reaction from Birdeye:
Bless you. Your command of logic and impartial observation is totally foreign to typical women in this country. If all women here thought like this, I’d (happily) be out of a “job” as an MRA.When the rape apologists are cheering that should tell you something.
The core mistake in this woman's argument is the assumption that all reported rapes between people who know each other or who met in social situations involve 1) men who have innocently misunderstood what the woman or girl wanted or 2) women who truly and legally consented, but later wish they hadn't.
The reality for the majority of rapists is they are looking for situations where they can get away with taking what they want with no real concern for what the other person wants or doesn't want and little worry that they will be convicted of a sex crime or shunned by their buddies.
Most of these rapists likely have great disdain for their knife or gun-wielding counterparts and believe those other rapists deserve to be convicted (for stupidity, no doubt "smart rapists don't need a gun or a knife") and given prison time. I'm sure they also use opposition to "real" rape as a way to prove they aren't rapists.
Update: check out the comments for Apostate's response to this post and my response to that comment which address more issues related to the labeling of many alleged rape victims as people who love to be victims.
Technorati tags: rape crime politics sexual violence sexual assault feminism