I was reading the comments on Reddit about my post Where did men learn that sexual predatory behavior is A-ok? including one comment which accused me of vilifying all men.
Actually the opposite is true. I was trying to communicate that it isn't biology which creates rape and sexual predators, it is a combination of influences and choice which creates rape and sexual predators. Even with messages which support sexual exploitation and rape under certain conditions (know your "asking for it" victim and don't use a knife or a gun) plenty of boys and men choose not to rape and they aren't interested in sexual contact which isn't completely mutual.
My rapist was no monster and his harmful actions didn't pop out of nowhere. He wasn't evil then and he isn't evil now. As long as we label rapists as born monsters who have nothing in common with good society and good men, we are powerless to create a truly safer environment. Maybe with different messages about what is acceptable and what is harmful, my boyfriend would have made different choices. Maybe he wouldn't have raped me.
Apparently, that makes me the poster woman for hating men.
The only power we have if we follow the world view of the man who criticized me for vilifying men is to tell girls and women that they must guard themselves every second of every day. That vilifies men more than I ever could.
Labels: Violence Against Women