Saturday, July 28, 2007

If You Love Me Say It With Flowers Not Rape

For many years I thought I was the only one who looked at her rapist (also my boyfriend at the time) in stunned belief and was told that what just happened was his way of showing his love for me. It wasn't until I'd captured my experience in a book that another woman told me she'd been given the same excuse.

I managed to block the memory behind emotional barbed wire, but that left me with an irrational response to any and all declarations of love. Being afraid that my life would end before I reached my 16th birthday as I sprinted away from a couple of nice young men who turned out to be intent on violently raping the willing was nothing compared to hearing a guy say, "I love you."

Hiding under a cluster of shrubs with my heart racing in fear that any second one of those men calling out to me would hear my breathing and drag me out was nothing compared to hearing a guy play a love song and say that's how he felt about me.

Waiting in agony until those 2 "nice" men gave up and drove away and then waiting longer in case they only left long enough to lure me out and then running from hiding place to hiding place, stopping at each intersection to be sure they weren't cruising the streets looking for me was nothing compared to the pain of being lectured on proper behavior by my rapist who still loved me.

Those 3 words still have a power they were never meant to have.

If you use those words, use them responsibly. Don't ever use them to excuse rape even if you aren't the rapist. True love never drives a person to commit rape.


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posted by Marcella Chester @ 2:30 PM   1 comments links to this post


At July 29, 2007 8:10 AM, Blogger sophie said...

Not the only one, nor just two...

Isn't there something wrong with the way these stories keep on regenerating, repeating themselves? Am I to forget that rape was a 'present of love'?

Thanks for your voice, Marcella. It helps everyone who is silent.


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