Until I was raped I had never heard anyone talk about the possibility that boyfriends can rape their girlfriends and I didn't hear it for years as anything other than a radical claim by those nasty feminists. There were plenty of people who refuted those feminists' claims and who said that nice boys don't rape they just give bad sex. Because the subject was so painful I tried to avoid the subject whenever I could. And I continued to feel completely alone.
I knew force was used by my boyfriend, but I'm not sure I immediately labeled him as a rapist. I certainly didn't label him as someone who plotted against me even though when I finally went back through the events which led up to rape and tried to capture the dynamics on paper, all the signs of premeditation were there. At first I felt stupid, but then I realized that the rape made every preceding interaction seem more obviously sinister than it was. When you know how the story ends you spot all the clues to the big finish.
Until I was raped I believed all rapists were obvious monsters whose intentions would be known immediately. But I quickly learned to distrust those who demanded my trust or my compliance.
When I was using alcohol to numb the pain I felt after being raped the scruffiest men I encountered rarely were a source of serious physical danger.
The 2 men who I talked about earlier in the blogathon were nice clean-cut college students with a nice car. They were the winners while those I regularly hung out with were the losers and the drifters. To these nice young college boys I was a piece of garbage to be used and discarded.
So I know firsthand that the myth that nice boys don't rape is false. And when people try to disprove a rape claim by talking about the alleged rapist's volunteer record or how they help find homes for abandoned puppies, I know that proving "niceness" doesn't disprove rape.
If general niceness is the alleged rapist's only defense then that person is going to seem more suspect than he did when I didn't know he was such a "nice" man.
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