Of course it is women who must change to accomodate these men who so easily turn into killing machines.
Rather than Dr. Gayle revealing any sort of truth about the cause of men's violence, he is revealing the warped rationalizations of the murderous and the suicidal. The problem with his approach is that he is cheering the rationalizations of the violent by turning the non-violent into the villains and turning the violent into innocent victims with none or few options. Men who are considering murder can use this expert's opininion as proof that they indeed are the true victims and their actions are nothing more than self-defense.
"I can't say in the short term that we can begin to change the culture to be less male hostile. It is going to take years. But a part of what needs to be done is to re-socialise not only our males but also our females. Frankly, some of our females are far too manipulative," Gayle told the Sunday Observer, adding that it should come as little surprise that men were killing their women and themselves.
Psychologist Dr. Sidney McGill describes the violent as having a "brooding bitterness" prior to murder/suicides. This bitterness is not something that a woman's actions create in a man. Women don't have more power simply because they are less likely to respond to relationship conflict with violence.
This "brooding bitterness" is a latent toxin which pre-dates any relationship or any relationship problems. I see this in many of the comments left on my blog by anti-feminist trolls. My words didn't make them bitter, that was a pre-existing condition. My words simply gave them an excuse to spew forth their bitterness. It's no surprise that many of these bitter men use a rhetoric of violence.
Throw normal relationship conflict into this toxin and an unsurprising result is domestic violence. This in no way is the victim's fault. Changing women's behavior will do nothing to rid men of this "brooding bitterness." With the toxin in place, it could as easily be another man who does something to make this "brooding bitterness" take over a man's thoughts. I suspect that violence which comes from the same underlying motivation when directed against other men would -- according to these experts -- magically transform itself into senseless violence.
So women of Jamaica, remember that men selflessly helping women is what causes men to kill women. This linkage reveals that the blame placed on women is utter nonsense. Men don't murder the women in their lives out of selflessness. Murder comes from selfishness and shortsightedness.
"There are a lot of men helping women, and the implications are many - including men killing women. We don't want that to become a pathology. Men need to begin to think about self-investment," the anthropologist said. "Young men need to understand that they are the ones who are important first, and that they need to have something for themselves first before they can help anyone. It cannot be a push up situation, but a pull up."
Often what is packaged as selflessness is shortsightedness. A man who goes to a bar every weekend and who spends his rent money buying women drinks in the hope that he will get laid has nobody but himself to blame if he doesn't get laid and doesn't have enough money left the pay the rent. If he rants about those evil women draining him dry he can avoid taking a hard look at his own behavior which he likely doesn't really want to change.
The message should be to men, "Until you learn to cope with conflict and your own choices in a healthy way don't get into relationships with women." But that doesn't sell nearly as well to men as blaming women for men's violence does.
hat tip: Feministing
Labels: Violence Against Women