Thursday, June 19, 2008

Must Read For Those Who Believe Date Rapists Misunderstand

From Today Show: Inside the mind of a serial seducer we get Paul Janka's own words about what he is about when it comes to women and sex.

[...] let me say I have a dual aim when I spend time with a woman: to have fun and to maintain my integrity as a man. Maintaining my integrity means honoring what I want in the process and not being manipulated by a woman’s agenda. This has to be an active process because I’ve found that women in the City – consciously or not – operate by a societal script that doesn’t incorporate my interests as a man.

What he calls integrity is in reality selfish resolve and a disregard for women's integrity. He isn't going to let what women want -- or don't want -- interfere with his selfish goals.

From Janka's failed book proposal:

"Tell the bartender how it is— she works for you for the two hours or so you'll be there. I tell them I don't drink but that I am meeting a lady, and that I don't want her to feel uncomfortable so could they please bring me seltzer waters, in a high-ball glass, with a lime. And call it a Tom Collins. Or a Gin and Tonic if you prefer. Never leave your drink, and don't let the girl sip it— she will freak out, I guarantee you. If you go to the bathroom, take it with you. When done, take both her glass and yours to the bar and give them to the bartender. Also, I find that drinking 2 or 3 seltzers on top of the meal I ate an hour before (solo or with a buddy) can be a challenge; I usually tell the bartender to make mine almost entirely ice; hers, little ice and stiff."

This strategy of deception is why those who accuse women of being liars when they report having only 1 or 2 drinks before passing out are not credible in their accusations.

Apparently serving yourself non-alcoholic drinks while serving your date stiff alcoholic drinks without her knowledge of what you are doing are the acts of a man with integrity.

Go figure.

Those who try to keep women safe by doing nothing more than lecturing women are reinforcing Janka's belief that he is doing nothing unethical and that all the responsibility for his actions belongs to the women he targets.

With his self-professed attitude and strategy it's no surprise that a woman reports she had to fight him off her to stop unwanted sexual contact after she told him that she didn't like him.

Here's her description of his actions followed by his response via Gawker:

He told me that we should either have sex or I should leave. I said I would leave. I started to stand up and he pulled me backwards and pinned me against the couch. I tried to push him off me, but couldn't. He started touching my breasts and between my legs. I told him to let me go as I tried to deflect his hands. After a few minutes he let me up. I gathered my things. As I was putting on my shoes he came over and grabbed my face, he squeezed until it hurt and I couldn't move my head. The[n] he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I pushed him off, went to the door, and was trying to unlock it when he came up behind me and wrapped one arm around my arms, making them immobile, and shoved the opposite hand down my pants. He tried to fucking finger me (unsuccessfully, I fought like a dog). I told him to stop. I struggled to get free. His only response was, "You're turned on, aren't you." He wouldn't let go. I managed to grab an umbrella propped against the wall next to me. I hit him and he backed off. I rushed out the door and I heard him laugh a little and call "bye" after me. [...]

"I'd say going on a date under false pretenses is pretty underhanded, wouldn't you? I'm not interested in disputing her account, tit-for-tat. Suffice it to say she's spun it to serve her interests."

This is an admission that he took the actions he is accused of taking, but he views his actions as justified. He claims to be able to understand women, but he clearly doesn't care enough to understand the woman he is with beyond plotting how to manipulate her.

This is more than selfishness on his part, it means that he doesn't know anything about having a sexual relationship and doesn't want to learn since doing so would compromise his integrity as a man. This disconnect may on the surface seem to be limited to women and sex, but I believe that this type of view about what it means to have integrity can't help but impact all aspects of his life.

If women who trust him are to blame if he crosses the line into criminal behavior then men who trust him or men like him are also to blame if they become victims of non-sex crimes committed by men like him and should be treated with the same respect given to those who report sexual assaults.

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posted by Marcella Chester @ 8:34 AM   8 comments links to this post


At June 19, 2008 11:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's terrible,and very wrong. There are no excuses for that kind of behavior.

One thing though, please don't hate me. If sex was off the table no matter what for the first month of a relationship most nightlife would die out.

At June 21, 2008 4:34 AM, Anonymous Ken said...

"One thing though, please don't hate me. If sex was off the table no matter what for the first month of a relationship most nightlife would die out."'

Oh. bull shyte! bull shyte! bull shyte!

Just maybe, just maybe we'll actually get to know people for who they are. Maybe we will actually start respecting each other.

At June 21, 2008 10:26 PM, Anonymous Barbara said...

That guy made me feel like I needed a hot shower with brillo. He's the reason sites like exist.

This article on him sort of said it all:

At June 23, 2008 10:26 AM, OpenID finchtree said...

"If sex was off the table no matter what for the first month of a relationship most nightlife would die out."

Surely men have progressed far enough, ethically and morally, to find ways to have a "nightlife" without manipulating and lying to women.

At June 23, 2008 2:53 PM, Anonymous m Andrea said...

I've been thinking there is something fundamentally defective about men in general. It shouldn't take a normal human being thousands of years, and thousands of studies, feminist deconstructions, marches, fliers, messages, etc., to get a freaking clue that women are not their sextoy.

Ergo, men are defective.

At June 26, 2008 3:57 PM, Anonymous m Andrea said...

Marcella, I was looking through your links. Personally, I thought that one of them phorensicpsychologist (spelling error) is nothing but a rape apologist site.

If you look, he's got 56 posts about sex crimes, all of which talk about the poor innocent man.

Also, you're freaking awesome!!

At June 26, 2008 4:36 PM, Anonymous m Andrea said...

"Surely men have progressed far enough, ethically and morally, to find ways to have a "nightlife" without manipulating and lying to women."

No, Finchtree, they haven't. That's kinda the point. And I get a little tired of men telling us to look at the nice guys and ignore all the assholes.

Why are we constantly told to look at the number of nice guys every single time we start looking at the amount of harm?

I think about the sheer magnitude of wonderful things which black people are not able to create, simply because they are born into a society which does not allow them equal opportunity. So too do I think about women.

But women are in the permanent porntastic reproduction class, and the "nice" guy's only purpose is to act as distraction. I don't think he's all that "nice" which is another word for GOOD. Look at him, he just sits there and doesn't do a damn thing about the assholes making life difficult for any female in his life that he claims to love until he's prodded into it. He's not "nice", he's simply neutral. Add that big fat zero to the negative, and the balance is still in the red.

THAT'S what we're not supposed to notice.

At June 26, 2008 5:15 PM, Blogger Marcella Chester said...

m andrea, thanks for catching the victim blaming/denial in my blogroll. I deleted that blog as soon as a I saw the dismissal of the seriousness of statutory rape because mothers didn't believe their sons would commit a real sex crime.

The mother of Neil (sp?) Entwistle who was just convicted of murdering his wife and daughter also said her son isn't guilty so that type of evidence doesn't hold any real weight.


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