Since then I've been called a liar who wasn't really raped by many a rape apologist who expresses opposition to women making allegations against men without undeniable proof. These false accusations directed at me don't cause me any pain because I no longer believe the falsehoods which these accusers use to justify their attacks.
Their attacks are as credible as statements claiming that the universe revolves around the Earth which doesn't move. They see the sun rise every morning so it must be true. They see that I couldn't have been raped as I've disclosed so it must be true that I wasn't raped.
I don't ignore their attacks because these falsehoods which form the foundation of their attacks cause real harm. These falsehoods contributed to my boyfriend's rational decision to rape me and his ability to view his actions as acceptable toward someone you love.
These rape apologists fail to see the irony they provide as they regularly and blatantly violate the principles they claim to hold more dear than life itself.
Just yesterday I responded to a commenter who is okay with seeing a million rape victims being denied justice in the name of protecting one innocent man. That's not justice and it does nothing to protect the innocent -- not even those who are genuinely wrongfully accused of rape.
When the seemingly positive motives for denying rape and denying justice to rape victims are examined more closely it becomes clear that those motives are in no way positive. Minimizing or denying most rapes and denying most rape victims justice are the goals.
Most rape apologists are fine with investigative sloppiness and bigotry in rape cases except when that investigative sloppiness and bigotry harms an innocent man -- or one who claims to be innocent -- instead of harming thousands of innocent girls and innocent women.
An investigator who instantly knows that an alleged rape victim is a liar and therefore guilty is a genius, but one who instantly knows that an alleged rapist is a liar and therefore guilty is an idiot who should lose his job.
The reality which these rape apologists deny is that effective responses to rape and respectful treatment of those who report rape doesn't hurt those falsely accused of rape. Instead it hurts sex criminals who falsely claim to be the "real victims" in rape cases. This brand of rape liar needs sloppy investigations and banks on specific and general false allegations against rape victims. The testimony of rape victims must be disregarded when that same person would be considered credible if the crime weren't a sex crime.
I've highlighted dangerous beliefs held by those who are genuinely opposed to rape because some falsehoods related to rape are so pervasive and seemingly positive that the harm they do often goes unnoticed and unchecked.
During these same 3 years I've heard from many of my fellow rape survivors and I am reminded anew that am not alone as I stand up against those who make excuses for rapists and who blame most rape victims.
I have many allies in my efforts to see the justice system treat those who have been victims of sex crimes treated justly and to see a reduction in the number of rapes. I applaud each one of them and encourage more people, women and men, to join our ranks.
My upcoming attendance at the Women, Action and the Media (WAM!) conference (March 27-29) is an opportunity to learn and to connect with many other people. Thank you to those who made donations to help cover my conference expenses.
I will share some of what I have learned as a panelist in the workshop:
Pulling the Plug on Rape Culture One Word at a Time:With the uncertain economy I don't know what changes will happen in my life in the next year. I wish I could promise to give as much time to blogging as I have in each of the last 3 years.
Using Accuracy to Undermine Dangerous Attitudes and Injustice
I will definitely continue to do what I can. What I learn at WAM! may help open up new and exciting possibilities.